Sex is a lot like fire.
Fire is powerful. When used in the proper context, it can accomplish amazing things - warmth, light, fuel, power, and ambiance. Campfire smores, Independence Day fireworks, and even the moon landing would not be possible without fire. When fire remains in the confines of a campfire circle, fireplace, or engine, it is a force for good. However, when removed from its intended context, fire can create long-lasting damage. In the news, we’ve witnessed the devastating aftermath of uncontained wildfires. The displaced flames have claimed lives, homes, and miles of land.
Sex, like fire, is powerful. It’s a gift intended for good! When practiced within the confines of a loving marriage, it brings connection and enjoyment without shame, fear, or adverse consequences. When taken outside of the boundaries of marriage, it will eventually cause damage. We all know the physical consequences of sex – STDS, STIs, and unplanned pregnancy. However, that is not the only damage sex can bring. Sex in the wrong circumstances can cause painful, long-lasting scars to our mental and emotional health that can be just as permanent.
So how do you keep sex within its intended context? Is it possible to save sex for marriage from this moment forward? Yes! But it will require intention.
These three steps will help you reserve sex for your future spouse.
1. Know Your Why
Hope is a powerful motivator. Choose to focus on what you’re fighting for rather than what you’re giving up. Why are you saving sex for marriage? What do you want your future relationships, marriage, and sex life to look like? Allow yourself to become captivated by the beauty of what could be.
2. Know Your Boundaries
It’s nearly impossible to set boundaries in the heat of the moment. Know yourself and your weaknesses. Your boundaries will include specific physical actions, but you may need to add guidelines like - no hanging out in bedrooms, no kissing while lying down, or removing any items of clothing. Know which environments make you vulnerable to crossing boundaries. Choose to take a walk rather than watching a movie in an empty house, spend time together in public places, or make it a practice to leave doors open when you’re in a room alone.
3. Know Who’s Keeping You Accountable
The American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) found that you have a 65% chance of completing a goal if you commit to someone. When you engage in regular accountability appointments, your chances of success go up to 95%. Is someone holding you accountable? This person should be dependable, support your goal, and be willing to ask hard questions. If you don’t have a friend who fits the bill, consider asking a trusted aunt or uncle, mentor, or leader in your life.
No matter your past decisions or sexual history, it’s possible to reserve sex for your future spouse. Know your why, know your boundaries, and know who’s keeping you accountable and you can keep your relationship goals.
If you need to talk to someone about your relationships, sexual health, or your future goals, we’re here for you. Contact Care Women's Center in Concord, NH today. All messages and appointments are confidential and available at no cost to you. We also provide free pregnancy services to anyone who thinks they may be pregnant. No shame, no pressure, just support, care, and empowering options.